What is Selflessness?

Well we are on our fourth day of Lent. How are you doing? I haven't had any amazing successes or epic failures. Its just been a few days that I have been more aware of my attitude and subsequent words and actions.

Well, let me be honest about the way Lent started. At about 5:15 am on Ash Wednesday, I thought only two days to Friday and I am NOT giving up my time alone at home. I made it almost five and half hours before having a selfish thought! Don't be too impressed; I was asleep for the first five hours!!! I thought this is going to be a long six weeks. But I also decided that the more important thing would be if I acted that attitude out or, if necessary, I gave up my time alone to help another.

Having such an inauspicious start to Lent and my day was humbling. So when I got to work and found the sidewalk needed shoveling, I happily shoveled the snow even though it was cold, windy and blowing snow in my face. The wonderful thing about this is that I was able to participate in a couple of amazing spiritual moments. Our priest, deacon and Minister of Outreach did "Ashes to Go" that morning and they had just finished when I arrived. Because I was outside shoveling, I was there when two people came for ashes. I was able to give them ashes, which is an incredibly intimate spiritual moment. It was God breaking into life, right there on the street in Orchard Park.

The act of shoveling was not a selfless act of sacrifice on my part and giving ashes was certainly no hardship, but it was a reminder to me that when we serve with love we are also blessed. As the prayer of St. Francis says, "It is in giving that we receive...." Sometimes going about little tasks with a joyful attitude instead of frustration, anger or self-pity brings unexpected chances for blessings.

I have been thinking about selflessness, since that is the opposite of selfishness. I started to wonder what does selflessness really look like. Is it ALWAYS giving and sacrificing yourself? I don't think so, if you give without regard for your own needs you will eventually burn-out, which leads to you needing help and care. Selflessness is not forsaking yourself to serve others, but an attitude of love, grace and forgiveness. Sometimes we must put others or the community first and act in a way that benefits others more than ourselves. But selflessness is NOT about being so busy caring for others to the detriment of yourself.

We often admire those that are so busy caring for others that they don't eat right or get enough sleep. I don't think this is what Jesus wanted when he told his followers "to take up your cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23) I don't think the cross Jesus means for us to carry daily is one of exhaustion. I think the cross we carry each day will be different; sometimes it will be the weight of caring for others, sometimes it will be the weight of our own inadequacies, sometimes it will be the weight of anger or frustration, and sometimes it will be the weight of illness. But we are not just to take up our cross; Jesus also tells us to follow Him. If we are to follow Jesus and His example, then we will go off by ourselves and pray. The Gospels tell us He went off to pray often; they also tell us Jesus took the disciples away from the crowds to rest. We, too, are supposed to spend time praying and resting as well as getting exercise (the disciples walked a lot) and eating.

Yes, Jesus healed, taught and served even when He was tired. Sometimes we will need to serve, give of ourselves, when we are tired, exhausted even; but if we fail to rest, we will collapse under the weight of the cross. The cross is too heavy to carry by ourselves, that is why we must stay close to Jesus. How do we stay close to Jesus? By reading the Bible, praying, resting and caring for ourselves as well as others. If we spend time with Jesus and caring for ourselves we can have an attitude of selflessness instead of selfishness.

I have already found it impossible to give up selfishness without Jesus. I agree with the apostle Paul when he wrote to the Romans, "For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15b) I couldn't even get to breakfast without having a selfish thought! So my journey towards selflessness must begin with prayer. It will be a constant prayer for me to think before speaking or acting, to check my attitude. Will my words or actions show love for the other person(s)? Am I sharing God's love or spreading my own agenda?