Christmas 2014 Meditation Ten

Gethsemane
Matthew 26:36-56

We are nearing the end of the Christmas season, so I'm jumping to the end of Jesus' life and ministry. This means we must go to Jerusalem. I'm entering the story with Jesus already in Jerusalem; he has had his triumphant entrance, eaten the Passover meal with his disciples and sent Judas to do quickly what he must do. Jesus takes his disciples to Gethsemane, meaning olive press, after telling them that they will all fall in their faith.  

Jesus leaves most of the disciples to pray, but takes Peter and Zebedee's two sons a little further. Matthew tells us that Jesus began to feel sad and anxious. He actually says to the disciples, "I'm very sad. It's as if I'm dying. Stay here and keep alert with me." Then Jesus goes a little further away.

The disciples must have been confused and scared to see their leader in such a state, plus they had been on the move with little rest for a long time. They did what any human would do, they fell asleep. Yes, I'm sure I would have been sleeping too, not very comfortably, but fear and tiredness help to make it possible to sleep anywhere.

Relief outside the Church of All Nations

I want to focus on Jesus in this situation. I think we see his human and divine side again, just like at the beginning of his ministry. The divine side allows Jesus to know what is coming, but the human side has him in agony. The human side makes Jesus say, "My Father, if it's possible, take this cup of suffering away from me." After all what human wants to be tortured and put to death on a cross? This was such a cruel way to die that eventually the Romans stopped using crucification as the method of carrying out death sentences. We humans tend to take the path of least resistance. We really don't like pain and we don't willingly go into situations that we know will cause us harm.

The divine side of Jesus allows him to say, "However - not what I want but what you want." That is total obedience! Jesus is willing to give his entire self over to God. I don't think any human is capable of doing that, we are too selfish. Jesus reinforces his willingness when he says, "My Father, if it's not possible that this cup be taken away unless I drink it, then let it be what you want." Jesus leaves no room to question his intentions, he will fulfill God's plan for him.

I was able to enter the Church of All Nations where the Rock of Agony is located. I knelt at the rock and touched it. I prayed that I would leave my agony there and receive strength from Jesus to obey God. I don't have much agony compared to what Jesus went through or what many other people must live through. It's so small in comparison, but we all have pain and sorrow of one kind or another.

I couldn't stay at the rock, I was overwhelmed with the sorrow, agony, and tears it held. Many people over the centuries have laid their agony down there to rest with Jesus. I felt a certain freedom by doing this, but I have found that I didn't really leave it all there. I think this is common for all of us, we can't quite let go completely. I envision this like a parent struggling with a child to let go of the security blanket. The child keeps hold of a corner and refuses to let go while the parent tries to reason with the child. The child can't take the blanket to school because it could get lost, it will be safe at home with the parent. The child says, "But I need it. I don't know what will happen at school and it will give me courage." The parent says, "It's okay, trust me. You will make new friends and have lots of fun at school. I'll take care of your blanket." As an adult we understand the need to leave the blanket behind, but the child just knows the fear of uncertainty.

The same can be said of all of us; God is telling us, "I'll take care of that pain or worry. Without the weight of this you will have freedom." Our response is, "That's great, please help. But I've got to keep a watch on the situation. If I don't have this to worry about, what will I do with my time? What is this freedom like, what must I do with it?" Freedom is a scary; it is an unknown place that comes with responsibility that we can't quite understand. 

Faith is one of my spiritual gifts, thus I usually trust that everything will work out. I'm not a person who worries a lot, but I still have those situations that I must contemplate, talk about and worry about endlessly. I can't just ignore my son's health issues, but obsessing about them changes nothing. While I was in the Holy Land, my husband took Nate (my son) to two doctor's appointments. My husband, Dave, is a very capable and intelligent man yet I questioned everything that he told me about the appointments. I was half a world away and there was no imminent danger to Nate's health, but there I was asking questions as if Dave couldn't understand the issues or what the doctor's were saying couldn't possibly be right. Not that I have any medical knowledge, not that I was there to hear what they said, not that I could do anything from half a world away, but I had to worry, complain and obsess. I even tried to leave it at the Rock of Agony; but I wouldn't let go. Why? Because if I let go I might not be in control. Well, that is an illusion since I'm clearly not in control of Nate's body and it's reaction to certain foods. Even with God saying, "It's okay, I'll take care of this. I'll keep your son safe and healthy" I couldn't let go. 

Well, part of my New Year's Resolution is to let go. Maybe the better way to say it is to recognize that I'm not in control so I might as well let Jesus take on the agony. I am only human, thus I can't drink the cup that Jesus drank. But Jesus is human and understands my pain and He is divine so he can drink that cup of pain and agony for all of us.

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