What is Selflessness?

Well we are on our fourth day of Lent. How are you doing? I haven't had any amazing successes or epic failures. Its just been a few days that I have been more aware of my attitude and subsequent words and actions.

Well, let me be honest about the way Lent started. At about 5:15 am on Ash Wednesday, I thought only two days to Friday and I am NOT giving up my time alone at home. I made it almost five and half hours before having a selfish thought! Don't be too impressed; I was asleep for the first five hours!!! I thought this is going to be a long six weeks. But I also decided that the more important thing would be if I acted that attitude out or, if necessary, I gave up my time alone to help another.

Having such an inauspicious start to Lent and my day was humbling. So when I got to work and found the sidewalk needed shoveling, I happily shoveled the snow even though it was cold, windy and blowing snow in my face. The wonderful thing about this is that I was able to participate in a couple of amazing spiritual moments. Our priest, deacon and Minister of Outreach did "Ashes to Go" that morning and they had just finished when I arrived. Because I was outside shoveling, I was there when two people came for ashes. I was able to give them ashes, which is an incredibly intimate spiritual moment. It was God breaking into life, right there on the street in Orchard Park.

The act of shoveling was not a selfless act of sacrifice on my part and giving ashes was certainly no hardship, but it was a reminder to me that when we serve with love we are also blessed. As the prayer of St. Francis says, "It is in giving that we receive...." Sometimes going about little tasks with a joyful attitude instead of frustration, anger or self-pity brings unexpected chances for blessings.

I have been thinking about selflessness, since that is the opposite of selfishness. I started to wonder what does selflessness really look like. Is it ALWAYS giving and sacrificing yourself? I don't think so, if you give without regard for your own needs you will eventually burn-out, which leads to you needing help and care. Selflessness is not forsaking yourself to serve others, but an attitude of love, grace and forgiveness. Sometimes we must put others or the community first and act in a way that benefits others more than ourselves. But selflessness is NOT about being so busy caring for others to the detriment of yourself.

We often admire those that are so busy caring for others that they don't eat right or get enough sleep. I don't think this is what Jesus wanted when he told his followers "to take up your cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23) I don't think the cross Jesus means for us to carry daily is one of exhaustion. I think the cross we carry each day will be different; sometimes it will be the weight of caring for others, sometimes it will be the weight of our own inadequacies, sometimes it will be the weight of anger or frustration, and sometimes it will be the weight of illness. But we are not just to take up our cross; Jesus also tells us to follow Him. If we are to follow Jesus and His example, then we will go off by ourselves and pray. The Gospels tell us He went off to pray often; they also tell us Jesus took the disciples away from the crowds to rest. We, too, are supposed to spend time praying and resting as well as getting exercise (the disciples walked a lot) and eating.

Yes, Jesus healed, taught and served even when He was tired. Sometimes we will need to serve, give of ourselves, when we are tired, exhausted even; but if we fail to rest, we will collapse under the weight of the cross. The cross is too heavy to carry by ourselves, that is why we must stay close to Jesus. How do we stay close to Jesus? By reading the Bible, praying, resting and caring for ourselves as well as others. If we spend time with Jesus and caring for ourselves we can have an attitude of selflessness instead of selfishness.

I have already found it impossible to give up selfishness without Jesus. I agree with the apostle Paul when he wrote to the Romans, "For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15b) I couldn't even get to breakfast without having a selfish thought! So my journey towards selflessness must begin with prayer. It will be a constant prayer for me to think before speaking or acting, to check my attitude. Will my words or actions show love for the other person(s)? Am I sharing God's love or spreading my own agenda?

Giving up "The Attitude"

It's that time of year again...LENT! Each year as we approach Lent, I contemplate what I will take on or give up for the season of reflection, fasting, and repentance. I often choose to take on something; a spiritual practice, reading a book, studying part of the Bible. I find it easier and more meaningful, or so I claim. This year I will join the Episcopal Diocese of Western New York in reading the book Songs My Grandma Sang by Presiding Bishop Michael Curry but I also decided to give something up.

It's big and I'm guaranteed to fail. You may wonder why I would chose something so difficult, let's just say I feel called to try. What am I giving up, you ask?

 

That's right, I'm selfish! It's a terrible attitude to have. There are many emotions or attitudes that fall under the umbrella of selfishness: frustration, anger, impatience, jealousy, and self pity to name a few. I have come to realize that often these emotions or attitudes make an appearance because things aren't going the way I want them to go. Often what upsets me is not even someone trying to hurt me or defy me (especially my kids), its just not exactly what I want. I'm guilty of letting all of these attitudes affect how I respond to situations and interact with others. I realized that it is hard to claim I love others, when my reaction to circumstances or encounters with people is selfish.

At the same time, I'm human and will never achieve love of others perfectly. So, I must do my best and try to improve my attitude. If I can respond with love instead of selfishness when things don't go my way, I'm following Jesus' example. Then just maybe I will be able to see what God sees in the other person. And maybe, just maybe, I can BE Christ for that person for a moment. That makes it worth the effort!

I am hopeful that if I can succeed in responding with love instead of selfishness just once it will be easier to respond with love the next time. I believe that the more I practice, the easier it will be to give up on selfishness. Maybe by the time Easter comes, I will be transformed. Maybe I will emerge from my own cave of darkness and rise as a more loving, caring person. Maybe then I will be able to show others the Light of Christ.

But today is Fat Tuesday, the day you feast before you fast. I had no intentions of feasting on selfishness, but I did. I got impatient with my son because he was repeating himself and talking over everyone else at breakfast, then I was angry to find out that I purchased an empty box instead of the ethernet switch I thought I was buying the night before, and if that wasn't enough I got frustrated when talking to a customer service agent about the phone service at work (not that he was responsible for any of the problems). This was all before 10 am! You could say I'm an overachiever in having a selfish attitude!

The worst part is that I didn't feel good while I was feasting. I had a headache and obviously I was in a bad mood. I was cranky, tired and just plain miserable! I couldn't help but think that feasting wasn't such a great experience. Do you ever regret feasting? When we feast we often overdue it, eat too much food, drink too much alcohol, spend too much money. Maybe that is part of what we are to learn during Lent; everything in moderation. Food, alcohol, money are all good in moderation, when restraint and discipline are exercised.

I'm not convinced selfishness is good, but making sure to care for yourself is good. Sometimes self-care looks like selfishness. We just need to be aware of our motivation. Does my desire for alone time, food, things, whatever prevent me from loving God and/or others? I'm still going to eat, go to bed early and take time for myself (I'm an introvert), but I'm going to work at loving others by responding with patience, joy, compassion, and presence instead of impatience, anger, jealousy, self pity, etc.

What are you doing to observe Lent? What ever it is you decide to do, please share your experience with me. I will share my experience with you; I will post about my struggles (which will be many) and triumphs (I'm hoping to have some). We can hold each other accountable for our attitudes and actions. 

It's Not Virtual World or Real World, It Is ONE World

Source: NASA

It seems to me that social media is more dangerous for those of us over 30. There are many examples of adults, who should know better that are tweeting or posting something that is inappropriate. They say things that hurt others, make themselves look like fools or things that are just plain stupid. Sorry, I hate the word stupid, but sometimes it is the most accurate word.

There was a recent example from the 78th General Convention in Salt Lake City. The Episcopal Church gathers from all over the United States and around the world every three years at General Convention. Representative from each diocese, both lay and clergy, as well as each bishop, and a group of young people (16-19 years old) called the Official Youth Presence to serve as the legislative body of the Episcopal Church. As you might expect there is a wide range of ideas, philosophies, agendas, etc., but they are all in agreement about Jesus being our Savior.

The tweet in question came from a bishop who was not impressed with the Official Youth Presence when they were introduced and two of the members gave a brief speech. His tweet read, "Never very impressed with the 'official youth presence.' How do they get chosen?" Ouch! The responses were many, immediate and not positive.* Of course there was more to his statement, but you can only say so much in 140 characters. I agree with one person who said that he needs social media training, "not okay to tweet this". I will try to leave my problems with the statement itself out of this, because that is not the point of this post.

Since I have two teens at home, I used this mistake as a teachable moment. My daughter is wiser than many adults on the subject. Which shouldn't be that surprising since she is a digital native. But the realization that a teen has a better understanding of what is not appropriate to tweet or post than an adult who is a leader in the church made me wonder why.

Why do teens "get it", even with their lack of brain development and inherent risk-taking behavior? One reason may be that the adults around them; parents, teachers, and church leaders keep telling them that whatever they put out there will be there forever. I know my daughter's teachers keep telling her and her classmates that they shouldn't post anything they don't want their grandmother to see.

I have to admit I like her advice better. "If you wouldn't be willing to stand up in a room full of your family, friends and a bunch of strangers and say it, don't post it." I may be wrong, but I don't think the bishop would have gone to the microphone and shouted his tweet, exactly as he posted it, as the young people were leaving the platform. We generally have a more sensitive filter if we have to face the person or persons we are speaking unkindly about.

Which leads me to the next advice we should all follow that came from a 30-year old friend. "If you can't defend your statement to the person face to face, you shouldn't post it." Imagine what it would be like if everyone thought a few minutes and asked themselves, "Am I willing to say this directly to the person the next time I see him/her?" Maybe the online world would seem a bit kinder, more loving.

I'm still left with the question, why? Why do adults behave so badly online? I'm sure most of us grew up hearing our mothers say, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Yet, we keep doing it; we keep insulting, hurting, and infuriating others. Of course, young people do this too, but those who do would usually do it regardless of the platform.

I think the key is that the teens are digital natives, they live in the online world and understand its culture, language, beauty and dangers. We call them digital natives, but we fail to recognize that means that it is a place with people and customs. If you don't know the culture of a place but find yourself visiting or living there, you realize you must learn about the place and its people. You will never be a native, but you can learn the language, understand the customs and traditions, and even participate in the community around you.

The first lesson a digital native would teach us is that there are not two worlds: virtual and real. It is all real! We may not be fluent in the language or customs, but it doesn't make it any less real than China is to me. I speak no Chinese and know little about the country, its history, or customs, but China is a real place with real people. On the other end of the Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or any other social media feed is a real person, with real feelings.

For my daughter, her online (internet) friends are just as important as her offline (outer-net) friends; they are just another group of friends. The biggest difference is that she can't hug an internet friend when he/she is sad. This is really no different than adults who have friends at work, church, the neighborhood, the other parents from their children's activities, etc. Yes, some overlap, but generally speaking we see them in the context of that community of work, church, neighborhood, etc.

The second lesson is that posting on social media is like standing in a roomful of people, both known and unknown, and shouting that statement in a monotone voice. Are you willing to take that post and shout it at a football stadium during the game? Also, that statement will be out there forever! Even if you "take it down" it is impossible to remove all traces of it.

As a Christian, I am called to love God and my neighbor. My neighbor is everyone, no exceptions, no excuses. In order to show Christ's love to my neighbor I must speak kindly, listen carefully and forgive completely, online and offline, no exceptions!

*End note: The bishop met with many or all of the youth at the convention and had a wonderful reconciliation meal according to posts from all in attendance. The bishop clearly regretted is tweet for the pain it caused. I do believe that he learned a valuable lesson the hard way. Let us learn from this situation too!

Running in the Fog

This morning I ran in a dense fog. I'm visiting my parents in Ohio where there is a great bike trail nearby, so I was looking forward to the run. It was foggy, so I waited to start the run until after sunrise, but it really didn't make much difference. It was still really foggy.

After spending a miserable winter in Western New York where I had to go to the YMCA to run, do some alternative indoor exercise most days, or dress-up like an Eskimo to run outside. I couldn't wait to run in 50 degree weather. The fog put a damper on my enthusiasm. I have run the trail enough to know generally where I am going so I wasn't worried about losing my way. I just didn't really enjoy the dampness, humidity and reduced visibility that came with the fog.

I had to remind myself to enjoy the journey, otherwise running 8 miles is just miserable. The attitude of "let's just get this over with" doesn't work when you're out there for over an hour. That just makes me cranky, which leads to a bad day. So as I ran by the trees I tried to enjoy the beauty of the bare limbs getting ready to burst forth with buds, leaves and flowers. I listened to the songs of the birds and enjoyed the different calls, not what sounded like the angry bickering birds I have been hearing at home.

As I ran past a marsh and heard the life within I realized that this is how life is sometimes. We are running in the fog and only able to see a little ways ahead of us. There are certain situations in life that are "need to know." We can't see far down the path, but it has been laid out for us. If we are willing to look, listen, and feel the path as we go along we will be given everything we need to find the end of the path. We might as well enjoy the journey as we go along.

I feel my ministry is changing, evolving as we look for new ways to form people's faith in a time when Sunday School no longer works for the majority. I know things will be different, better than I imagined. I just can't see far enough down the road to know what my job will look like in the future. I may take a wrong turn or two along the way, as the Church is trying new ways to share God's story of love and grace.  This is uncharted territory, yet we have been here before. The wrong turns will be valuable lessons, and there will always be a way back. If I just keep running, the end of the path will be revealed. I will learn as I go and just as the end of the path is revealed, God will reveal Himself.

Eventually, about 2/3 of the way through my run the fog lifted and I was able to see to the next turn clearly. It was freeing to be able to see so much. The way was clear! I knew where I was headed and that I was going in the right direction. I was right where I was supposed to be. Eventually, the fog will lift and I will clearly see the path my ministry is to take. God will reveal the way and His glory will light the path.

The Gospels Go Silent

Mosaic from Church of the Resurrection in Jerusalem

It's Holy Saturday, but there are no Gospel readings today. There is no reference to this time between Jesus' burial in the tomb and the women finding the tomb empty in any of the Gospels. It's silent; no mention of how the disciples spent the Sabbath, no mention of their emotions. I want to know, what did they do on that horrible day? Were they together talking, weeping, hiding? Or were they scattered, alone, afraid, feeling despondent? Could they muster up the courage to join their families and celebrate the Sabbath?

Why did the writers of the Gospels leave these details out? Was it too difficult to share? Did they think it unimportant? I can understand not wanting to share that kind of grief, but how are those who weren't there to fully understand this part of discipleship?

How can I fully appreciate the pain if they don't tell me about it? I know the end of the story, but the disciples didn't know what was coming.  What was it like for them? Did they lose all faith? Their experience could be very helpful to us when we suffer. As we are going through those tough times we don't know the end of the story either. 

There was no escape from the reality of it - Jesus was dead. Not only was he dead, he was crucified! He died like a criminal - tortured, beaten, mocked and hung on a cross for all to see. The person the disciples called Rabbi (Teacher) was killed! This Rabbi that they left their families, homes and jobs for was killed for his politics and beliefs. How do you recover from something like that? Surely you don't just go back home, resume your job and act as if the last three years didn't happen!

On this day the disciples could not do what we modern-day Americans do, throw themselves into work, because it was the Sabbath. A holy day of rest; a celebration of God's creation. Can you celebrate God's creation when you feel like your world has just ended? Did the disciples take comfort in the ritual and liturgy of the day or did it pierce their souls?

Psalm 95 is part of today's lectionary and part of the Sabbath service (according to my online research). In the meditation that I read today from Nashotah House, Dennis Sylva, Ph.D. breaks the Psalm down. He states that in the midst of the Psalm, verses 3-5, "the psalmist writes that the reasons for this joy are the greatness of God and his control of the wild, uninhabitable places..." He reminds us that "in the hand(s) of Yahweh is nourishment in desolateness."

I imagine that the disciples felt desolate. I wonder, did they take comfort in Psalm 95? Did they see this as a reminder that God was with them, even in their grief? Or did they feel betrayed by God? Did they feel betrayed by their religious leaders? Were they able to speak the words of praise and hope that are part of the Sabbath? Can we speak praise and hope in the midst of our desolation?

Maybe the silence is the story. Maybe on this Holy Saturday we are to be silent too. In the silence we can grieve, we can ask God where He is. Then we can listen for His whisper, the whisper of hope and joy to come. 

Psalm 95

O come, let us sing to the Lord;
   let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
   let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!
For the Lord is a great God,
   and a great King above all gods.
In his hand are the depths of the earth;
   the heights of the mountains are his also.
The sea is his, for he made it,
   and the dry land, which his hands have formed.

O come, let us worship and bow down,
   let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!
For he is our God,
   and we are the people of his pasture,
   and the sheep of his hand.

O that today you would listen to his voice!
   Do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah,
   as on the day at Massah in the wilderness,
when your ancestors tested me,
   and put me to the proof, though they had seen my work.
For forty years I loathed that generation
   and said, “They are a people whose hearts go astray,
   and they do not regard my ways.”
Therefore in my anger I swore,
   “They shall not enter my rest.”

 

Were is the Good News?

“Then they will hand you over to be tortured and will put you to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of my name. Then many will fall away, and they will betray one another and hate one another. And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray. And because of the increase of lawlessness, the love of many will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. And this good news of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the world, as a testimony to all the nations; and then the end will come."

Matthew 24:9-14

Jesus has just finished teaching in the temple where he silenced the Sadducees and Pharisees. He reminded everyone that the two greatest commandments are to love God and love your neighbor. Then Jesus called the Pharisees and scribes hypocrites, blind guides, snakes, and a brood of vipers. And for good measure he told his followers that the temple would be destroyed. This is not how to make friends! Although Jesus did quiet his critics with his authority and knowledge.

Once Jesus left the temple and was sitting with his disciples on the Mount of Olives, they asked him when he will come back and what will be the signs of the end of this age. This is when Jesus gives them the news of what they can look forward to as His followers in the above quote. The disciples must have been thinking, "Great, I left my family, my home and my job to be tortured, hated and killed! What have I gotten myself into?" Not only will the disciples lives be miserable but there will be famine, war, and earthquakes. Sounds inviting, no?

But this is what I am stuck on..."this good news of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the world..." The good news, what good news? You just said there will be war, famine, earthquakes and I am going to be hated, tortured and killed. If that is "good" I hate to see what "bad" is.

"But the one who endures to the end will be saved." It is such a small sentence in the midst of all this, but there it is...full of hope. Full of everything that Jesus' life and ministry is about. That little sentence is what we Christians hold onto when we are in the midst of our own misery and the world's chaos.

Even though I fail daily at loving God and my neighbor, even though I am a hypocrite, I have the good news. Jesus calls us all out for our failings, but then says don't be afraid, endure and you will be saved. 

How do I endure? I cannot do it on my own, I must let Jesus do the work for me. I must trust Him and not be led astray. I must pray and persevere in my effort to love God and my neighbor. Most of all I must remember that Jesus died for me, for all of us!

Lord, in the midst of chaos, misery and pain let me remember the good news. Give me the strength to love You, my neighbor and myself today and every day. Give me a discerning mind and heart that I may not be lead astray. Help me to build up the endurance needed to love until the end. I ask all this in Jesus' name. Amen.     

Note: The entire reading I was reflecting on is Matthew 22:23-24:14.

Cleaning with Jesus

Then Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who were selling and buying in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves. He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer’; but you are making it a den of robbers.”

Matthew 21:12-13

It's time to clean! Not the house, although that needs to be done too. It's time to clean my heart and mind. Sweep out all the useless stuff: anger, fear, impatience, self-doubt, selfishness, etc. These things take up space, energy and time. Just like the sellers and money changers in the temple they are robbing me of God's glory.

The divine came as Jesus to walk among us, show that God lives in us, wherever we are and whoever we are. God's home is in you and me; our bodies are the temple of God! If this is true, and I believe it is, than we must care for our bodies - mind, body and spirit. That means we need to clear our minds, bodies and hearts of those things that prevent us from knowing, feeling, being God's grace.

For me to know God's grace and share God's grace I must be a house of prayer. I mustn't let the robbers (anger, fear, selfishness) make their den in my heart, mind or body. When I pray I let Holy Spirit clean out all the junk which clears the temple, my body, opening me up to be the person God created me to be.

This is a daily pursuit as each day brings new challenges, allowing anger, fear, self-doubt, etc. to creep back in. Each day must start and end with prayer to keep the temple clean - to allow God to work in and through me.

Lord, this is the day you made and you made me for a purpose. Clear my body, mind, and spirit of those things that would rob me of Your glory. Fill my heart and mind with the love of Christ, the courage of Holy Spirit, and the mercy of God so that I may live into the person you created me to be. This I ask in the name of Jesus, your son and my savior. Amen.